To Be or Not To Be (Together)

Love is very complicated concept, that up till now, many of us fail to fully comprehend the true meaning of it. Love plays a very significant role in relationships. It helps to faciliate the formation and development of relationships in different forms - interpersonal relationships (friendships, close relations with family members), impersonal relationships (a waitress and a customer), and intimate relationships (husband and wife). How are relationships formed then? Is there a certain procedure to go through in order to get together? Interestingly, Mark Knapp has developed a 10 Stage Relational Development Model to depict the various stages that couples go through in their relationships.

The first 5 stages comprises of happy moments couples go through - the "Coming Together" stages. The next 5 stages, also known as the "Coming Apart" stages, is often filled with conflicting ideas and unhappiness.

A real life example that illustrates this model would be Singapore table tennis player Li Jia Wei's previous relationship with national badminton player Ronald Susilo. Their relationship developed after they got to know each other (they were both national players) and it even advanced to the Bonding Stage where both of them announced their engagement publicly in 2004. However, their relationship went into doldrums when differences began to arise. They even had to settle their financial disputes in court. In January 2008, both of them decided to call off their engagement, illustrating stage 10 of Knapp's model: Termination. I feel that their relationship is a very clear example of Knapp's model, whereby their relationship developed and intensified in the early stages. Subsequently, when they realised that they have too many uncommon things (the language they speak?), and cultural differences, their relationship began to stagnate and ultimately, they decided to terminate it. 10 months after their break-up, news regarding Li Jia Wei's new romance with a Beijing businessman was made public. This evidently illustrates the Resurrection Process (Duck's Model of Relational Dissolution). According to Duck, breakups can be represented in a series of processes. One of the process, the Ressurection Process, is where the couple splits and move on with their individual lives. Both of them have already gone separate ways to look for their future prospective other halves. In this case, Jia Wei is already engaged to her new romance. (Source: http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking%2BNews/Sport/Story/STIStory_286163.html )

(Picture Source: http://www.youth.sg/content/view/52/66/)

Nonetheless, it is not fair to conclude that Knapp's Model is always applicable based on just this example. Couples may actually skip certain stages and advance to another stage, or they may also regress to a previous stage to maintain their relationship.

A point which I would like to make in particular would be the issue of self-disclosure. As identified in Knapp's Model, self-disclosure takes place as early as the second stage. Self-disclosure actually refers to the sharing of information about yourself that the other person is unlikely to know voluntarily. This means that you actually have to decide on what you want to let the person know about you and how much you want the other person to know about you. Most of the time, self-disclosure is reciprocal whereby after sharing bits of information about yourself, the other party discloses certain things about him/her too. Self-disclosure is a very important aspect in every relationship because it requires a certain level of trust before a person is actually willing to share unknown information stuff about himself. For me, I feel that self-disclosure is a form of getting to know each other better and trusting the other party with the additional information that you have provided. By disclosing certain stuff about yourself to another person, you are actually letting another person into your world of thoughts. Besides that, disclosure should be done in a slow manner, whereby we learn a little more about each other and digest that information before bombarding more stuff to the other party. This is critically important in maintaining relationships. If only one party is contributing his/her thoughts and feelings, it becomes a one-way communication because the feelings of the other party is unheard. Now, the main problem is, how much to disclose and when is an appropriate time to disclose? Personally, I feel that inner thoughts and emotions should only be disclosed to people whom you are close with, people whom you have already established a mutual understanding with. On the other hand, basic information such as your interests and hobbies can be shared even with people whom you have been just accquainted with. If one were to divulge too many of his/her secrets, there will be a high tendency of creating misperceptions and misunderstandings.

(Photo Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/heatherleggettphotograpy/2299588734/ )

What about you? Do you think self-disclosure is neccessary in developing relationships? How much then is sufficient and who do you choose? Comment!

Because I Love You - Cheesy or Creative?

Home-grown brand, Allswell, which is famous for Asian bottled drinks such as Water Chestnut and Sugarcane, has recently produced a drinks commercial that have sparked various differing opinons amongst viewers of local television. This big hoo-ha has even resulted in the Allswell drink being featured and discussed on The Straits Times in the Lifestyle section on 21st September, 2008. By now, many of us may have already seen this commercial on television, either in English or Mandarin, and viewers tend to have quite extreme opinions about it. Some may like it a lot and find it sweet, yet others may find it to be a tad too cheesy - mainly because of this tagline used at the end of the commercial: Because I Love You.

Here's the commercial (English version) for those who have not seen it yet.


Basically, this commercial is filmed in a food court, with 2 bottles of Allswell Waterchestnut Drink in front of a young lady. As her partner appears in the picture, he looks at the bottle with contempt and decided to order a cup of Teh-Peng (Iced Tea) instead. The lady then starts to persuade him to drink it by introducing the nutritious facts to him. When asked why he has to drink it, she promptly replied, "Because I Love You". This then convinced him to consume the beverage.

Personally, I feel that this advertisment has a certain element that managed to attract viewers to pay attention to it - an element of being realistic. As Allswell is specializing in producing traditional Asian drinks (Plum Juice, Star Fruit, and Water Chestnut and Sugar Cane Drink), the targetted audience of this commercial would inevitably be Asians, and in this case, Singaporeans. Credits should be given to the director and producer of this commercial, as it is quite obvious that much thought has been put into the creation of this commercial. The commercial lies on the basis on people showing love and concern for their loved ones. This is so because observations have been made that such drinks are usually purchased by mothers and females, who tend to be rather particular about the nutritious contents of food and beverages.

Source: http://www.allswelltrading.com.sg/Product/AllswellProduct.html

Apart from the use of verbal communication (the tagline, "Because I Love You), this commercial has also cleverly made use of sources of nonverbal communication to relate to viewers. The wise selection to use a foodcourt as the setting clearly displays the use of environmental nonverbal stimuli. Allswell is a drink that is widely sold in hawker centres and foodcourts. It would definitely be inappropriate to film this ad in a restaurant. In addition, the female lead in this ad also made use of Paralinguistics (vocal nonverbal stimuli) to emphasise on the message that she is trying to convey. Her pitch, volume, tone, and accent clearly depicts the way a typical Singaporean speaks (although i feel that she may have over done it a little bit). She used her natural voice to "act" in this commercial, instead of conscientiously trying to pronouce every word in an English accent. This tone instinctively draws the attention of viewers as they tend to be curious about the content and purpose of the commercial. I feel that this commercial perfectly made use of one of Francis Bacon's Four Idols - Idols of the Marketplace (use of language) to appeal to views.

On the other hand, viewers who found this commercial to be "cheesy" were mostly put off wby the way the female lead spoke - in an Singlish accent. Some of them felt that this ad is actually portraying a negative image of Singaporeans not speaking properly. Most importantly, not many people were convinced that a simple reason such as "Because I Love You" can actually persuade someone to relent to the other party's requests (drinking the waterchestnut drink in this case). In a nutshell, I found this commercial to be relatively creative and interesting! The fact that it managed to sparked such a huge amount of discussion (even in the papers!) proved that this commerical is indeed successful in attracting the attention of viewers. How did YOU, find this ad? Feel free to share your comments regarding this commercial (or other commercials which you find to be interesting) :)

A Picture Paints a Thousand Words?

Just a few days ago, as my favorite television programme went into a commercial break, I was so tempted to switch to another channel when an advertisement caught my attention and stopped me from channel surfing. After watching the commercial, it left me pondering about the way we use cognitive schemata to form impressions of other people, interpret their messages, and develop a certain perception about them. Personal prototypes are idealized representations of a certain kind of person. The information contained in prototypes consists of traits, patterns of behavior, and role relations that fit our idea of a certain type of people. Many times, we often subconsciously develop a certain perception or opinion about a particular person without any particular basis, just purely by looking at the appearance of the person. How then, did we manage to come to a conclusion on how we feel about this person without even getting to know him or her? Our own real life experiences, stories that our friends shared with us, and sometimes even the way the media portrays a certain types of people plays a role in helping us to form perceptions and impressions of a particular individual. Although this may be useful in helping us to identify and categorize people, negatively, it actually colours the way we view people and it often leads to stereotyping.

Here is a picture that is from the television commercial that I mentioned earlier. (I tried to attain permission from the producer of the commercial to include the video in this post, but my request was not acceeded. ): )

Be truthful, and think carefully about what comes straight into your mind the moment you see this person with a back that is so heavily tattooed? What is the first thing that you will associate this person with? Is he just an ordinary caring father of two, or could he be someone from the underground society? Some of us may associate tattoos with gangsters and rebels, some may think that having tattoos are cool and trendy, and yet others may find that tattoo is actually a form of body art. All these different responses are largely attributable to the different perceptions that we have already formed in our minds. Because these perceptions are already instilled in us, it is very difficult for us to change them. For example, assume that I associate tattoos with someone being very cool. Once I see a person with tattoos, I will automatically have the thinking, "Wow, this person is so cool." Such perceptions often result in stereotypes and in more serious causes, misinterpretations. Think about it, how often have we let our own perceptions guide our way of thinking?

Have you ever avoided taking a seat on the public bus next to someone with tattoos all over his body despite feeling very tired? What if that person was someone dressed smartly in a longsleeved shirt and tie? Would you have taken that seat otherwise? When asking people to donate to charity, did you only approach people who looked "friendlier" and not those who have body piercings and tattoos everywhere? Don't judge. You can never know what a person is like just by looking at appearances.

In this commercial, a heavily tattooed man is trying his best to remove a Post-it note that is stuck on his back. No matter how hard he tries, there is no way he can reach it. The note saying, "Ex-Offender" is out of his reach. The only way to remove that "label" is for another person to remove it from his back. This commercial made use of a simple props, an ex-convict with lots of tattoos on his back, a Post-it note reading "Ex-Offender", and a simple background music to cleverly convey its message clearly to everyone of us. Why did the director of the commercial decided to use a heavily tattooed man as the leading "actor" of the commercial? The answer is very simple. Due to our perceptions of people with certain traits or characteristics (in this case, tattoos), our society has come to a point where we are all guilty of categorizing people and putting labels on them. So much so that in order to clearly convey this message of prejudice across, the director deliberately chose to use a heavily tattooed man to portray himself as an ex-convict. This is largely due to the fact that many of us often have this misperception that people with tattoos are likely to be offenders, or rebels of any sort. All of us - you and me, should put aside all our prejudices and negative stereotypes before coming to a conclusion about the character or personality of a person. Just by looking at a person's appearance is inadequate and unfair for us to make an accurate judgment about a particular person. Once again, this commercial clearly demonstrates the effective use of non-verbal communication to convey a certain message. There was no need for fancy props, catchy music or digital imaging effects. Encoders of the message (you and me) could clearly comprehend the meaning of this commercial.

Touching a little bit more on this commercial, this commercial is actually launched in conjunction with the Yellow Ribbon Project (http://www.yellowribbon.org.sg/) . The Yellow Ribbon Project is a network that helps ex-offenders and their families integrate back into the society by encouraging companies to hire them and organizing campaigns to help remove the label of prejudice. I feel that it is of utmost importance that we actually give these people another chance in society. Before we condemn them and straightaway jump into the our biased perception of ex-convicts, I think we should take into considerations about the feelings of these people who are perpetually being rejected or looked down upon in our society. Some of them may have already changed for the better, some may just want to lead an ordinary life after they have served their time, and some, may just be trying to earn a living to provide for their families. No matter what, I feel that we should all be responsible to help these ex-convicts and give them another chance. Because, if we don't, who will? Don't let our personal prototypes affect our decisions, and more importantly, never judge a person just by looking at his or her appearance. Of course, all these also largely depend on whether the ex-convicts are willing to start afresh, turn over a new leaf and embrace the opportunities that are given to them. If they are willing to do so, I would definitely be willing to help them unlock their second prison too. What about you?

Pathos: Appeal to Emotion

Movie Review : Money No Enough II （钱不够用II）

Official website: http://www.moneynoenough2.com/

10 years after the release of Money No Enough, Jack Neo is finally back with Money No Enough II, a story injected with comedy and the use of dialects that revolves around the problem of having not enough money in modern Singapore.

As film director Jack Neo is renowned for producing comedy films and movies, many of us may enter the cinema expecting to watch a show entirely filled with humorous scenarios and conversations. However, this time round, Jack Neo actually succeeded in stirring up different emotions in each individual watching the show. On a negative note, foreigners who are unfamiliar with Hokkien may find it slightly difficult to understand the humor content although subtitles are provided.

The main storyline of this movie is about the lives of three brothers (Henry Thia, Jack Neo, Mark Lee) who are striving very hard to earn as much as money they can. The oldest brother, despite being the poorest of the three, is in charge of taking care of their aged mother. However, after being inspired by his brothers to venture into business, they soon begin to neglect her. Frequent quarrels arise, debating on who is supposed to take care of their aged mother and who is supposed to pay her medical fees. The lack of transactional communication between the three bothers and the old lady caused her to live in misery. Decisions were made between the three brothers, however, they did not take into consideration the opinion of their mother. There was no opportunity for feedback at all. All she could do was accept what her children planned for her (linear model of communication), even when she was left to sleep in the bathroom.

Scenarios of strong verbal communication, whereby second son (Mark Lee) shouted incessantly at his own wife even though she was not the one at fault, provokes the audience to feel a sense of sympathy for his wife. Despite the use of harsh words on his wife, Mark Lee's clever use of facial expressions (nonverbal communication) proved to us that he actually cares for his wife deep inside. Nonverbal forms of communications were also largely portrayed in this movie. A particular scene which I found really tear-jerking was where eldest son (Henry Thia) was assigned to send the old lady to the old folks' home whereby she will be able to receive better medical treatment and care from the nurses over there since the three brothers are busy with their businesses which were on the rocks. In order to avoid hearing his mother's sorrowful cries, Henry Thia ran as fast as he could, without knowing that his poor mother has already collapsed outside the Home. Paired together with a Hokkien song about the woes of being a mother, I feel that this particular scene has successfully reached the hearts of the audience, especially in our society whereby the elderly increasingly becoming neglected by their children.

I feel that the importance of interpersonal communication is strongly highlighted in this movie. Although verbal communication is important, it is crucial for us to not neglect the significance of nonverbal communication. The receiver of the message should be able to decode the message correctly, otherwise there may be certain consequences to bear. An instance in the movie would be a scene whereby Mark Lee's wife secretly misappropriated her company's funds in order to finance her husband's company. All these were done in the name of love, yet they were being misinterpreted as being nosy. Yet another scene is where the old lady kept repeating her questions to her sons because she was suffering from Alzheimer's, yet her sons felt that she was being naggy and irritating. This negligence led to the worsening of her medical conditions as no appropriate treatment was given.

Due to the fact that this film is a local production, it is inevitable, or rather, necessary (i feel), for the inclusion of different dialects to reach out to our local audiences and further emphasize the impact of the messages that are supposed to be brought across. The use of Hokkien songs and conversations effectively allowed audiences to feel a tad "closer" to the movie and feel like they are able to connect with what the director is trying to bring across as they are familiar with the language used. This appropriate use of language clearly illustrates one of Francis Bacon's Idols in the modern period, Idols of the Marketplace. Money No Enough II touched on local issues such as the increase in the number of ERP gantries around the island, the importance of filial piety, integrity, and most importantly, the need of effective communication. The self-sacrificial actions of the old lady (her willingness to give up the last packet of blood for her granddaughter, to sleep in the bathroom in order to prevent creating inconveniences for her children) led us to reflect on the way we treat our elders and also motivates us to be better, more filial children in future.

Money No Enough II, I feel, has been a successful production as it has an emotional and rational appeal that stimulates the arousal of different emotions in every individual. Each of us leaves the cinema with a different feeling in our hearts, and a different goal on how to cherish our loved ones before it is too late.

Let's Start Talking!

Hello all!


Welcome to my communications blog, specially created for COM 101. As this is my first attempt at blogging, I hope that I will be able to touch on topics that would at least spark some interest in everyone out there and generate some traffic flow to this blog. To all of you from COM 101 Class A or those who just happened to chance upon this site, do feel free to express your personal opinions or comment about the issues and topics that are going to be touched upon in this blog. It would be great to be able to hear opinions from different perspectives and people all over the world, so please don't be shy and start commenting or raising issues! Please do participate actively as your participation would determine my course grades! As this is going to be an academic blog, please raise issues that are in some way or another related to communications, and also, kindly be mindful about the language used. :)


Thank you for taking time to read this blog and contributing your personal opinions! Hope all of you will enjoy your visit here!


Cheers,
Regina